When was the first time you realized you loved your baby? Many women would answer that they fell in love with baby the day they found out they were pregnant, or maybe even the first time they heard the heart beat or felt movement. Or maybe even when they saw the ultrasound picture. It seems that most the women I’ve ever met were head-over-heels in love with their baby before baby was even born. You know the type, or maybe you were even one of these women. They would talk to their baby and rub their pregnant belly, or sing to them, and talk with extreme excitement as the due date drew nearer. I like to say they were born with the “mom gene” and are just naturals at the whole baby thing.
It was people like this that made me feel like there was something extremely wrong with me. During my pregnancy, I never really felt a close bond to the baby. I can’t even say that I felt love. How dare you say that is what many of you may be thinking. Well, the truth is the truth. I can honestly say I never felt a strong emotional bond with my unborn baby. In fact, it worried me at times. Why was I so different than all the other pregnancy women that I’d ever met who were totally infatuated with their unborn baby? What was wrong with me that many times I felt overwhelmed and not excited to be pregnant? Inside, I was secretly asking myself will I love my baby?
If you are pregnant and feeling the same way as I did, know that there is not something wrong with you. I think more women may ask themselves this question than we think, but for some reason it is kind of taboo topic. I didn’t want to be labeled a horrible, heartless person by telling people what I really thought when they asked if I was excited to have a baby. Yes, my husband and I had planned on getting pregnant and yes, we wanted a baby, but I just wasn’t feeling an attachment. Does my story sound similar to yours?
If you’re feeling unattached to your unborn or newborn baby, don’t dismay. It may take time. Did you genuinely love your spouse the very first time you met them? Or even before you met them? I think I can safely guess “no”. It’s takes time to know someone and to love them, and although a baby is a very special person, it can take more time for some to grow love and affection towards them. Some women love them before they are born, and some after. Neither is right or wrong. For my specific situation, I didn’t feel that strong, intense motherly love until after he was born, and maybe even a few days after he was born. Meeting your baby for the first time is a very surreal experience, and it may take some time to feel a bond. But you will love your baby, even if it takes a little time.
So what should you do if you’re pregnant and not feeling in love with your baby? First of all, don’t panic or think there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. Secondly, if you would feel better talking to someone about it, then talk to someone about it! Tell you spouse or a trusted friend how you are feeling. You may be surprised and find that they have felt the same way and they can help you through. Lastly, try to enjoy every minute of your pregnancy and know that someday you will be amazed that you even questioned if you could love your baby. Because you will!
How do I know for sure? Because I once asked myself many times will I love my baby? And I do, more than anything else in the world.
Have you ever asked yourself “will I love my baby?” When did you realize you loved your baby?
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